Nein, nein, Nine. Well, it tried hard – too hard – but fell far too lazily into a formulaic corseted, burlesque nod to Moulin Rouge/Chicago.Worst of all, it committed the cardinal sin for a musical of having almost no memorable musical numbers – with the honourable exception of Fergie’s rather wonderful turn with ‘Be Italian’. Generally pretty good performances only served to show up the weak material (apologies to the late Mr Minghella, but the dialogue really sucked). And why were we supposed to care about Day Lewis’s self-indulgent, self-centred egomaniac director, exactly? Bit of an Easter Egg film – stunning to look at, hollow at the core.